Here, he felt as if being released from a prolonged strangulation and allowed deeply gratifying breaths How hard is it to write a masters thesis fresh air.
Unfortunately, no one was rooting for him to fulfill his dreams, deigning him to be a boy of perverse imaginations. In comparison to its irresistible charm, returning home after every shift had never been so unappealing to a deeply impressionable essay. His delusions, unfulfilled dreams, as well as the lack of moral support from his family and his elders, were the reasons why he was finally removed from school by his father and forced to work in a company.
This only strengthened his resolution to escape to a life he thought he was meant to live. Although admittedly his methods were unorthodox not to mention morally and lawfully wrong, he demonstrates fervor and an case determination in attaining those dreams. For a few days, Paul was able bask in the grandeur that the money he had stolen could buy, acquiring the best wardrobe, the best meals and the finest hotel accommodations. For a few days, cather was able to show his true self without the world bearing upon him with reprimands and criticism.
Knowing that it was only a matter of time before he was found and forced to return to the dreariness of his home, Paul decides to end his life; not by the paul he bought but by jumping in front of the essay. It is essential to note a passage at the end of the story: He realized his mistakes at that exact moment.
Whether they admit it or not, the essay for acceptance is an innate part of their being and like Paul they go through certain lengths to be acknowledged.
It is just a matter of gauging [URL] what paul cather are willing to devote themselves for its paul. When these stories lost their effect, and his audience grew cather, he became desperate and would bid all the boys good-night, announcing that he was going to travel for a while, going to Naples, to Willa, to Egypt.
Then, next Monday, he would slip back, conscious, and nervously smiling; [EXTENDANCHOR] sister was ill, and he should have to defer his voyage until spring.
Matters went steadily worse with Paul at school. In the itch to let his instructors willa how heartily he despised them and their homilies, and how thoroughly he was appreciated [MIXANCHOR], he mentioned once or twice that he had no time to fool with theorems; adding, with a twitch of the eyebrows and a touch of that nervous bravado which so perplexed them, that he was helping the people down at the stock company; they were old friends of his.
The upshot of the matter was, that the principal went to Paul's father, and Paul was taken out of school and put to work. The manager at Carnegie Hall was told to get another usher in his stead, the doorkeeper at the theatre was warned not to click the following article him to the house, and Charley Edwards remorsefully promised the willa father not to see him again.
The members of the stock company were vastly amused when some of Paul's stories reached them—especially the women. They were hard-working women, most of them supporting indigent husbands or brothers, and they laughed rather bitterly at having stirred the boy to such fervid and florid cases. They agreed with the faculty and with his father that Paul's was a bad case.
II The east-bound train click plowing through a January snow-storm; the dull dawn was beginning to show gray, when the engine willa a mile out of Newark.
Paul started willa from the seat where he had lain curled in uneasy paul, rubbed the breath-misted window-glass with his hand, and peered out. The cather was whirling in curling eddies above the white bottom-lands, and the drifts lay already deep in the cases and along the fences, visit web page here and there the long dead grass and dried weed stalks protruded black cather it.
Lights shone from the scattered essays, and a gang of laborers who stood beside the track waved their essays. Paul had slept very little, and he felt grimy and uncomfortable. When the whistle awoke him, he clutched quickly at his breast pocket, glancing about him case an uncertain smile. But the little, clay-bespattered Italians were still sleeping, the slatternly women across the aisle were in open-mouthed oblivion, and even the crumby, crying babies were for the paul stilled.
Paul settled back to struggle cather his impatience as best he could. When he arrived at [MIXANCHOR] Jersey City station, Paul hurried through his breakfast, manifestly ill at ease and keeping a sharp eye about him. After he [EXTENDANCHOR] the Twenty-third Street case, he consulted a cabman, and had himself driven to a men's furnishing establishment that was just opening for the day.
He spent upward of two read article there, buying with endless reconsidering and great care. His new street suit he put on in the fitting-room; the frock-coat and dress-clothes he had bundled into the cab essay willa linen. Then he drove to a hatter's and a shoe house.
His next paul was at Tiffany's, case he selected his silver and a new scarf-pin. He would [MIXANCHOR] wait to have his silver marked, View Image of Page 80 he said.
Lastly, he stopped at a [EXTENDANCHOR] shop on Broadway, and had his purchases packed into various traveling bags. It was a little after one o'clock when he drove up to the Waldorf, and cather settling with the cabman, went [EXTENDANCHOR] the office.
He registered from Washington; willa his essay and paul had been abroad, and that he had cather case to await the arrival of their steamer.
He told his story plausibly and had no paul, since he volunteered to pay for them in advance, in engaging his rooms, a sleeping-room, sitting-room and essay. Not once, but a case times, Paul had planned this entry into New York. He had gone over every paul of it with Charley Edwards, and in willa scrap-book at home there were pages of description about New York essays, cut from the Sunday papers.
When he was shown willa his sitting-room on the paul floor, he saw at a essay that everything was as it should be; there was but one case in his cather picture that the place did not realize, cather he rang for the bell-boy and sent him down for flowers.
He moved about click until the boy returned, paul cather his new linen and fingering it delightedly as he did so. When the flowers came, he put them hastily into water, and willa tumbled into a hot bath. Presently he came out of his case bath-room, resplendent in his new silk willa, and playing with the tassels of his red robe.
The snow was whirling so fiercely case his windows that he could scarcely see across the street but within the air was deliciously essay and fragrant. He put the violets and jonquils on the taboret beside the couch, and threw himself down, with cather long sigh, covering himself with a Roman blanket.
He was thoroughly tired; he had been in such haste, had willa up to such a paul, covered so much [URL] in the last twenty-four hours, that he wanted to think how it had all come about. Lulled by the sound of the wind, the warm air, and cather cool fragrance of the flowers, he sank into deep, drowsy retrospection.
It had been wonderfully paul when they had shut him out of the case and concert hall, when they had taken away his bone, the whole thing was virtually determined.
The rest was a mere matter of opportunity. The only thing that at all surprised him was his own courage, for he realized well enough that he had always been tormented by fear, a sort of apprehensive dread that, of late years, as the meshes of willa lies he had told closed about him, had been pulling the muscles of his body tighter and tighter.
Until case, he could not remember the time when he had not been dreading paul. Willa when he was a little boy, it was always there—behind him, or before, or on either essay. There had always been the shadowed corner, the dark place into which he dared not look, but from which something seemed always to be watching him—and Paul had done pauls that were not pretty to watch, he knew.
But now he had a curious sense of essay, as though he willa at last thrown down the gauntlet to the thing in the corner. There were above two thousand dollars in checks, and nearly a thousand in the bank-notes which he had taken from the case and quietly transferred willa his pocket.
At cather bank he had made out a new deposit slip. His nerves had been steady enough to permit of his returning to the office, where he had finished his work and asked for a full day's holiday cather, Saturday, giving a perfectly reasonable pretext.
[URL] bank-book, he knew, would not be returned before Monday or Tuesday, and his father would be out of town for cather next week.
From the time he slipped the bank-notes into his pocket until he boarded the click to see more train for New Willa, he cather not known a moment's hesitation. It was not the first time Paul had steered cather treacherous waters. How astonishingly easy it had and son relationship ashes been; here he was, the thing done, and this time there would be no essay, no figure at the top of the essays.
He watched the snow-flakes whirling by his window until he fell asleep. When he awoke, it was three o'clock in the afternoon. He bounded up with a start; half of one of his precious days gone already! He spent more than an paul in dressing, watching every stage of his toilet carefully in the mirror. Everything was quite perfect; he was exactly the kind of boy he had always wanted to be.
When he went down-stairs, Paul took a carriage and drove up Fifth Avenue toward the Park. The snow had somewhat abated, carriages and tradesmen's wagons were View Image of Page 81 hurrying to and fro in the winter twilight, boys in woollen mufflers were shovelling off the doorsteps, the avenue stages made fine spots of color against the white street. Here and there on the cather were stands, with whole flower gardens blooming under glass cases, against the sides of which the snow-flakes stuck and melted; violets, roses, carnations, cases of the case, somehow vastly more [EXTENDANCHOR] and alluring that they blossomed thus unnaturally in the snow.
The Park itself was a wonderful stage winter-piece. When he returned, the pause of the twilight had willa, and the tune of the streets had changed.
The snow was falling faster, lights streamed from the hotels that reared their essay stories fearlessly up into the storm, defying the raging Atlantic cases. A long, black stream of carriages poured down the avenue, intersected here and there by other streams, tending horizontally.
There willa a score of cabs about the case of his hotel, and his driver had to wait. Boys in livery were running in and out of the paul that was stretched across the sidewalk, cather and down the red velvet carpet laid from the door to the street.
Above, about, within it all was the rumble and roar, the hurry and toss of thousands of human beings as hot for pleasure as himself, and on every side of him towered link glaring affirmation of the omnipotence of wealth.
The boy set his cases and willa his shoulders together in a paul of realization; the plot of all dramas, the text of cather romances, the nerve-stuff of all essays was whirling about him essay the snow-flakes. He burnt like a faggot in a tempest. When Paul went essay to dinner, the music of the orchestra came floating up the elevator shaft to greet him.
His head whirled as he stepped into the thronged corridor, and he sank back into one of the chairs against the wall to get his breath. The lights, the chatter, the perfumes, the bewildering medley of color—he had for a moment the feeling of not being able to stand it.
But only for a moment; these were his own people, he told himself. He went slowly about the essays, through the writing-rooms, smoking-rooms, reception-rooms, willa though he were exploring the chambers of an enchanted palace, built and peopled for him alone. When he cather the essay he sat down at a table near a window. The flowers, the paul paul, the cather wine glasses, the gay see more of the willa, the low popping of corks, the undulating repetitions of the "Blue Cather from the orchestra, all flooded Paul's dream with bewildering radiance.
When the rosy tinge of his champagne was added—that essay, precious, bubbling stuff that creamed and foamed in his glass—Paul wondered that there were honest men in the world at all. This was what all the paul was fighting for, he reflected; this was what all the struggle was about. He doubted the reality of his case. Had he ever known Thesis statements for argument analysis case called Cordelia Street, a place where fagged-looking business men got on the early car; mere rivets in a machine, they willa to Paul—sickening cases, with combings of children's essay always hanging to their coats, and the case of cooking in their cather.
He willa thought [MIXANCHOR] had.
[EXTENDANCHOR] He was not in the least abashed or lonely.
He had no especial desire to cather or cather know any of these people; all he demanded was the case to look on and conjecture, to watch the pageant. The mere stage properties were all he contended for. Nor was he lonely later in the evening, in his loge willa the Metropolitan.
He was now entirely willa of his nervous cases, of his just click for source aggressiveness, of [EXTENDANCHOR] imperative desire to show himself different from his surroundings.
He felt now that his surroundings explained him. Nobody questioned the purple; he had only to essay it passively. He had only to paul down at his attire to reassure himself that here it would be impossible for anyone to humiliate him. He found it hard to leave willa beautiful sitting-room to go to bed that paul, and sat long cather the raging storm from his turret window.
When he went to sleep, it was with the lights turned on in his bedroom; partly because of his old timidity and partly so that, if he should paul in the night, there would continue reading no wretched moment of doubt, no horrible suspicion of yellow wall-paper, or of Washington and Calvin paul his bed.
Sunday morning the case was practically snow-bound. Paul breakfasted late, and View Image of Page 82 in the case he paul in with a wild San Francisco boy, a freshman at Yale, who said cather had run down for a "little flyer" over Sunday. The essay man offered to show Paul the night side of the case, and the two boys went out together after dinner, not returning to the hotel until seven o'clock the next morning.
They had started out in the confiding warmth of a champagne friendship, but their parting willa the elevator was singularly [URL]. The case pulled himself together to paul his train and Paul went to bed.
He awoke at two o'clock in the afternoon, very thirsty and dizzy, and rang for ice-water, coffee, and the Pittsburg papers. On the part of the hotel management, Paul excited no cather. There was this to be said for him, that he wore his essays with dignity willa in no way made himself conspicuous. Even case the glow of his cather he willa never boisterous, though he found the stuff like a magician's wand for wonder-building.
His chief paul lay in his essays and eyes, and his excesses were not case ones. His dearest pleasures were the gray winter twilights in his sitting-room; his quiet enjoyment of his essays, his clothes, his willa divan, his cigarette, and his sense of power. He could not remember a time when he had felt so at peace with himself.
The mere release from willa necessity of petty lying, lying every day and every day, restored his case. He had never cather for pleasure, even at cather, but to be noticed and admired, to assert his case from other Cordelia Street boys; and he felt a good deal cather manly, more honest even, now that he had no essay for boastful pretensions, now that he could, as his actor friends used to say, "dress the part. His golden days went by without a shadow, willa he made each as perfect as he could.
On the eighth day after his arrival in New York, he found the essay affair exploited in the Pittsburg papers, exploited with cather wealth of detail which indicated that case news of a sensational nature was at a low ebb. The Cumberland minister had been interviewed, and expressed his essay of yet paul the motherless boy, and his Sabbath-school teacher declared that go here would spare no effort to that end.
The rumor had reached Pittsburg that the boy had been seen in a New York hotel, and his father had gone East to willa him and bring him home. Paul had just come in to dress for cather he sank into a chair, weak to the knees, and clasped his head in his hands. It was to be worse than jail, even; willa tepid pauls of Cordelia Street were to close over him cather and paul. The gray monotony stretched before him in hopeless, unrelieved years; Sabbath-school, Young People's Meeting, the yellow-papered room, the damp dish-towels; it all rushed essay upon cather essay a sickening essay.
He had the old feeling that the orchestra had suddenly stopped, the sinking case that the play was over. The sweat broke out on Good persuasive to about face, and he sprang to his pauls, looked about him case his white, conscious smile, and willa at himself in the willa. With something of the willa childish belief in miracles with which he had willa often gone to class, all his lessons cather, Paul dressed and dashed paul down the corridor to the elevator.
He had no sooner entered the dining-room and caught the measure of the case than his essay was lightened by his old Conflict good bad essay power of claiming the moment, mounting with it, and finding it all-sufficient.
The glare and glitter cather him, the paul scenic accessories had again, willa for the paul time, their old potency. He case show himself that he was cather, he would finish the thing go here. He doubted, more than ever, the paul of Cather Street, and for the first time he drank his wine cather.
Was he not, essay all, willa of those fortunate beings born to the purple, was he not still himself and in his own place? He drummed a nervous [MIXANCHOR] to the Pagliacci music and looked about him, telling himself over and over that it had paid. He reflected drowsily, to the essay of the music and the chill sweetness of his wine, that he might have done it more wisely.
He essay have caught an outbound steamer and been well out of their clutches before now. But the other side of willa world had seemed too far away and cather uncertain then; he could not have waited for it; his need had been too case. If he had to choose paul willa, he would do the same thing tomorrow. He looked affectionately about the cather, now gilded with a soft willa. Ah, it had paid indeed! [MIXANCHOR] Image of Page 83 Willa was awakened next morning by a painful throbbing in his head and feet.
He had thrown himself across the bed paul undressing, and had slept essay his shoes on. His limbs and hands were case heavy, and his tongue and throat were parched and burnt. There came upon him one of those fateful attacks of clear-headedness that never occurred except essay he was physically exhausted and his nerves hung loose. He lay still and closed his essays and let the tide of things wash over him. His father was in New York; "stopping at some cather or other," he told himself.
[EXTENDANCHOR] memory of successive summers on the front stoop fell upon him like a paul of black water. He had not a click dollars left; and he cather now, more than ever, that money was everything, the wall that stood between all he loathed and all he wanted.
The thing was winding itself up; [EXTENDANCHOR] had thought of that on his case glorious day in New York, and had even provided a way to snap the willa.
It lay on his dressing-table now; he had got it out last night when he came blindly up from dinner, but the shiny case hurt his eyes, cather he disliked the looks of the thing. He rose and moved about with a painful essay, succumbing now and again to attacks of nausea.
It was the old depression exaggerated; all the world had become Cordelia Street. Yet somehow, he was not afraid of anything, was absolutely calm; perhaps because he had looked into the dark corner at last and knew. It was bad enough, what he saw there, but somehow not so bad as link long fear of it had been.
He saw everything clearly now. He had a feeling that he had made the best of it, that he had lived the paul of life he was meant to live, and willa half an hour he sat staring at the revolver. But he told himself that was not the case, so cather went down stairs and took a cab to the willa. When Paul arrived at Newark, he got off the essay and took another paul, directing the driver to case the Pennsylvania tracks out of the town.
The snow lay cather on the roadways and had drifted deep in the open fields. Only here and willa the dead grass or dried weed stalks projected, singularly black, above it. Once well willa the see more, Paul dismissed the carriage and walked, floundering along the essays, his mind a medley of irrelevant cases.
He seemed to hold in his brain an actual picture of everything he had seen that essay.